"Comfortable" The Hidden Disease

I wrote this way back in 2006. I think it still stacks up.

What have I learned since I first wrote this? I think we can have a very poor understanding of our feelings and what we tend to assume is comfortable is not the deep, sink in and feel wonderful and cosy feeling that is really comfortable, but just a dry, dull absence of real pain. We can wander about with this 'feel nothing' feeling and not even know that this is less than the good feelings we could be enjoying every day. Much like the difference between being truly happy, and being not unhappy.

Why You Should Be Uncomfortable About Being Comfortable 

When Self Deception Masquerades As Comfort

Seldom do we consciously realize there is a little voice that resides in our mind. It whispers to us, when an opportunity presents to us, saying that “we should not take the risk”. The voice just like our parents used when they talked to us, when we were tiny tots. It reminds us that we should keep doing what we’ve always done, because that’s where we are comfortable. Safe. Keeping to a known quantity, where we know what to expect. Familiar territory.

We listen to that voice as we are growing up. Eventually it becomes so much a part of our experience, that we internalize those instructions to the point where we no longer need someone “outside” to tell us – because now we’ve incorporated it into our internal landscape. It’s where we learn to know to verify what we know and convinces us what we should do. It’s where we know how to get what we get. It’s the voice that has kept us doing those things that are comfortable and sometimes it shares the space in our head with other voices, When you bring them to mind, you may recognize when you think about it, that those voices belong to someone from your past. Perhaps a mother, or a father, or a grandparent. Bring the voices to mind now and see if you can locate who the voices remind you of... both in the tonality of how they sound, and in the kinds of things that those voices say to you. Is it someone you know? Is it your own voice you hear when you listen?

What those voices have in common is that they share a single intent, Simply, the intention is to keep you safe.

They all want to save you from disappointment, or accident, or harm. Just like they looked after us when we were a small child with little experience, and fewer resources in both emotional, intellectual, education and personal skills than we have now as adults.

So how do you know when to trust those voices, which whisper to us and urge us to keep to the safe, the known path; those little voices that want only to keep us safe, the only way they know how? Learning to respond now with all the resources you have as an adult, and not as the child that you once were - vulnerable and with limited choices - is the beginning of personal growth and the start of living a self-determined life.

Now what I'd like to ask here is what you do in your own life to visit some of the assumptions that we make on 'Automatic'.

Have you begun yet, to question those things that you just know you know?

Lindy Asimus
Business Coach
Mobile: 0403 365855
lindyasimus@gmail.com
www.lindyasimus.com
www.designbusinessengineering.com

Contact Me
Actionbites Blog Life Coaching Is...

Story Of A Sign. Compassion In Action

Here's a short film that really should be seen by everyone.
I have seen some imitations of this but this is the real deal.

Cannes short film award winner.

History Of Words

Story Of A Sign.








Words do matter.

Powerful ideas expressed with few words.

How marvellous, when our actions match our values, and create magic!

Do post your comments and
do pass it on for others to share.


And do share your thoughts on the film.



Thinking Of Getting A Business Coach?
Lindy Asimus
Design Business Engineering

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How To Step-Up In Your Business.

Accepting personal responsibility for our actions and our performance in the roles we undertake is a sign of our maturity and character.

Performance is something we can judge in others and conveniently miss when it comes to our own.Often the topics of business issues come up and there is a rash of activity and articles posted online and in books about marketing and ways to move things around in business. Working with business owners on many of these issues, it is clear that they all tend to resolve back to the same issue.

It all comes back to the actions, skills and attitude of the business owner.

Perhaps not surprisingly, we can end up in business without preparation and training in the particular skills that will enable us to perform excellently in our new role as CEO of our business. Sometimes we just start doing what we love and before we know it, our doing-what-we-love activity has become a real life business and suddenly we’re faced with employees, compliance issues, customers to serve, and a need to keep the rent paid and feed all the mouths that are depending on us. Meanwhile the world has changed, and the way that we always knew how to do what we do, have changed too.

Now we have to contend with competition from big operators with vast budgets for marketing and advertising and a willingness to sell under our cost of goods, just to squeeze out the local operators. We have a changing marketplace where customers expect access 24/7 to our business and will spend their money elsewhere if we don’t make provision for them in a way that suits them best. Higher expectations and access to an internet full of alternatives makes it important that we keep up with the new changes, but often we can be so busy just ‘putting out fires’ that we don’t even notice how much is changed – or that those changes can also bring us opportunity, along with threats to the status quo.

So how do we grow into the role that our business needs us to assume?

How do we move from the harried business owner, to the calm, in control CEO who runs the business as a business, and maintains a standard of service and product that can compete in this new environment?

Here are some areas to focus on that can help you be that person.

Review Your Current Position

Think about it ... What commitment you are going to make to yourself and the contract you’re willing to enter with YOU to perform at the level the CEO of any business, should deliver. Commit to deliver for your business. Write it out and sign off on it. Get it witnessed!

Get Help: See What’s Hiding In Your Blind-spot

You know the signs on the trucks when you’re driving “if you can’t see my mirrors, I can’t see you”. The same is true in business, and while we are looking the issues that are right in front of us, we are in danger of not seeing those things that might be causing some of our problems, or those things that can blindside us and wipe us out fast, or just cause a slow and miserable death. What is in that blind-spot can be leading to money bleeding from the business, preventing money coming into the business, or creating an environment that is stressful and bad for business and everyone in the business, and customers who would willingly spend money ‘if only’.

You get a different perspective when you can share what you see, with someone who can see the same thing from an outside perspective. This value of this can be immeasurable. Make sure what you think you are seeing is really what’s there and get an external viewpoint from someone who can not only see, but understand how to analyse what they are seeing.

Consider Your Business Vision

Nobody can build anything well, if they don’t know what it is supposed to look like. Try putting that furniture together if you don’t know what goes where. It is too hard! And it doesn’t need to be. Pick what YOU want your business to be like.

Understand if the business doesn’t look like you thought it would – or would like it to – then it is up to you to recalibrate, retool if necessary, and revamp to create the vision that you DO want.

And you need people to help you, so you need to engage your employees, and others who will help you achieve bring your vision to life, so they know what it is, and you all know when you have arrived and can keep it flourishing.

Create A Blueprint

Just as you need to know what something should look like, before you can build it, you need some guidelines to make sure that you put it together the way that can get you to the final result for which you are aiming. Your blueprint is your working document to show you what, how and where everything goes and when it will be done.

Follow Through

This is blueprint is worthless unless you make the commitment to yourself and to the project to do what you say you will do those actions that need to happen in order for it to be done now. If you don’t know HOW to do it, or to do some part of it, then that’s okay. Just find out! Yes you can find out anything you need to know, and you can find it inside the business, or you can find it outside the business if you don’t have what you need to do it. Finding the help you need, well that’s part of your commitment. No excuses.

Make Yourself Accountable To Someone

One of the great things in business is that we often get to make the decisions. One of the terrible things in business is we often get to make the decisions, and not be accountable for the results. That’s bad for the business and while it sometimes feels like a good thing... it is bad for us too.

This is where ‘the rubber hits the road’ and this is where we find out if you are really Stepping Up in your business. It can be scary, here on what can seem like the ‘bleeding edge’ but is just doing what we should be doing from the outset.

Push through that barrier, and you’ll find your better self on the other side.

Related:
A Five Year Plan For Your Goals Or Business Vision - Here's How!

Lindy Asimus
Business Coach
Mobile: 0403 365855
lindyasimus@gmail.com
www.lindyasimus.com

If you'd like to know more about me, visit

Contact Me
Actionbites Blog How To Set Goals You Can Reach

Beliefs & Goals

Beliefs. They can be funny things.We all have them. Whether we know it or not.

Some beliefs work in our favour. Others get in the way of achieving all that we can. Beliefs can get in the way of achieving all that we want.

Most people are not conscious of the vast majority of things they believe. But what they believe is present in opinions they form about things, in decisions they make about what they buy or what they do. They are present in the choices not made and decisions not taken.

When it comes to setting goals, it is useful to understand our underlying beliefs.  Setting goals that allow us to achieve those results that are most meaningful and of high value to us should be an easy choice. But we know that isn't the case, since so many goals are never carried out.

Every time we make a decision we make a choice based at some level on a belief.  When there is a decision to be made, doing nothing is a decision. And there's a good chance that there is a belief behind that too.

Let's look at an example.

Sandy wants to "stop procrastinating and become more productive".

But when Sandy sets goals, they don't happen. Instead of taking the actions that will mean that the goal can be reached, Sandy is off being distracted by anything and everything instead of applying the time and attention to those activities that will lead to their goal being completed.

It would be easy to blame procrastination as the culprit.  In reality, procrastination is an activity. We do it.  We do it. Procrastination isn't some being that jumps on us and drags us away.  It is a choice that we make to not do those things that we have to do.

In this case I'd be inclined to think that Sandy has set goals that are not meaningful and it could be that the goals are not really goals, but actions on a to-do list that are not getting done.

An item on a to-do list is not a goal.
It is an item.

It may be an item that needs an action and a good way to approach items that need action is to have  a good strategy for writing these down in specific language with time frames. You can find more on time management on my blog here

A goal, if it is to be useful, should be something important. Not just some vague thing you want to do. It should have some purpose that is worthwhile to you and lead you to a better place than you are now. You can find more on setting goals you can achieve here 

When we set half-assed goals and don't achieve them, we prime ourselves to believe things like:

"Goals don't work."
"I can't do it."
"I'm not as good as others who can make their goals happen"
"Other people get what they want because they are lucky"
"I'm not lucky"
or even
"I don't deserve it"

We can then retreat and find other things to blame for why our life is not the way we would prefer. Blaming other factors is always easier than the uncomfortable feeling that may happen when we consider what our own part in not achieving our goals might be.

When we set goals that we don't do any work to achieve, we may have a secondary payoff. We don't have to do anything different. We don't challenge ourselves, therefor we don't risk trying and then not make it.

Trying and failing, is just trying and failing. It is not failure.

For some, "not trying", means "not failing".

Of course, this is a fallacy.

The truth is, not trying ensures automatic failure. That which we don't even attempt, we cannot complete.

A more healthy and useful approach might be, to do this instead... If it doesn't work exactly the way you want the first time, then you try again. You build on your capacity and you keep trying until you get to where you want to be.  Every attempt brings you closer.  Every bit you learn along the way, brings you a better understanding and a knowledge that you didn't have when you started.

This is the nature of building good habits.

This is also how you build better beliefs. Beliefs that support you and allow you to grow as a person and increase your resilience and your life skills.

Getting to the bottom of our beliefs can be tricky.  Getting help to identify these deeply-held yet invisible beliefs can really expedite matters.

Action

Grab some paper and spend some time considering your beliefs in these areas. Write them down. Don't censor them, just write down the things that come to mind when you think about these topics.

This is what I believe about goals:____________________________

This is what I believe about eating::___________________________

This is what I believe about health:___________________________

This is what I believe about money:___________________________

This is what I believe about family:____________________________

This is what I believe about relationships:_______________________

This is what I believe about me:______________________________


If you'd like to talk to me about what you learn, I'm interested in your feedback.

Related articles on Goals

Goal Checker - A Tool To Use

Beliefs and Goals

How To Set Goals You Can Reach

Focus Before Goals 

Steps To Creating An Achievable Outcome

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Brain Plasticity - Use It Or Lose It

UPDATES:

Some cool brain facts and myths! Read here 

I just caught up with a friend I've not seen in many many years and he's recently lived through his son being involved in a car smash that's left him with a brain injury. Lately it seems I'm seeing many people whose lives have been touched by brain injury. Assaults, road crashes. We hear about the deaths on the road but rarely consider how many survive motor vehicle accidents and assaults, who live  but whose life and the lives of their family members is never the same again.

This video on brain plasticity reminds us to never give up. We can improve even bad situations, but it takes a lot of effort to stick with it.  

A recent video from ABC TV Fora brings us a piece by Norman Doidge with the good news that aging doesn't need to mean an inevitable slide into loss of our mental faculties.

Good news!


Norman Doidge On The Brain That Changes Itself -, 18 September 2009 10:00

The cliche that you can't teach an old dog new tricks may soon be obsolete. The more we learn about the human brain, the more we understand the potential that it has to change, adapt and grow. Traditionally the brain was seen as being like a machine, its neural pathways set in stone from childhood. But new studies have shown that the brain can be trained to recover from strokes or paralysis, lifelong habits can be broken, and aging brains be rejuvenated. Through new experiences and brain exercises we can alter our brain's anatomy to improve cognition, perception, memory and intelligence. In this enlightening session at the Sydney Writers Festival, Norman Doidge talks about the remarkable plasticity of the brain, and shares some examples of how we can open it up to new realms of possibilities.

Norman Doidge is a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. He is on the research faculty at Columbia University's Centre for Psychoanalytic Training and Research and his recent book, "The Brain That Changes Itself"




Have you thought about learning new skills and disciplines to keep your brain active?

Love to see your ideas on what you might choose. Perhaps a language and music would be a good way to go.


What do you think?

Business Coaching Articles Catch Up

Looking at this blog I can see it looks like I  have been quite remiss in updating the posts. Truth is I have been writing some for another blog in the UK to which I contribute so here is a quick way to catch up if you would like to read more business articles. 

I will get back to posting here but for now check out these articles which have been on topics that have been figuring large in the real space lately, for business clients. Feedback welcome as always. 

Articles are on business topics ranging from managing your business through online marketing and managing your stress through focus on the things you can change.

Top 4 Online Marketing Myths

There is a growing trend for small businesses to be turning up on Facebook and Twitter and making an effort towards building numbers of followers.  Social Media we are told is ‘where it is at’ and you need to be there. There is also a growing trend …Read more

Resolve Versus Wishful Thinking

How are those resolutions going that you set at the start of the year? Time to revisit your resolutions and see what worked and what didn't. Or make some fresh goals and reach them. Sometimes we set resolutions without any real resolve at all and …Read more

How To Grow Your Sales Channels 

Many a business that is in wholesale and maybe retail too, is plodding along doing a nice trade. Things are working pretty smoothly and money is coming in every month.  Some may be worrying about the economy or other issues that are not in their …  Read more 

Good Businesses Manage This First

Every day it seems we have the media intent on stirring up issues just to sell newspapers or a point of view. But as I watch articles posted on business websites showing the latest businesses to go bust it is clear that the articles showing the … Read more

9 Ways Your Website Can Help Visitors

“I don’t do any marketing because my business comes from word-of-mouth so I don’t really have anything on my website” This was the proposition put to me recently by a professional after confessing their website was really just their 'business card …Read more

Content Marketing For Local Business

Anyone searching online for marketing information will have seen that Content Marketing is the hot topic now. But what does it mean? Content Marketing is a term that covers creation of worthwhile information and ideas to share for the purpose of …Read more

Go From Faking It To Making It

Have you ever felt like an impostor? You’re off to work and you’re doing your thing you have done a thousand times but that little voice is whispering “someone’s going to find you out soon as the fake you are”. Psychologists, who rather like to … Read more

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Are You Lousy At Self Promotion Too?

'Banner Girl' promoting a bakery shop - note the loaf of bread hat!

I wish I had a buck for every time someone clever I meet has told me that they are not good at self promotion, I would be very happy.

Unwillingness toward self promotion is real and present threat to the success of any business venture. And I suspect, sometimes not the real issue.

For any business owner who is suffering from the symptoms of shyness when it comes to self promotion, perhaps it is worth stepping back a bit and taking another look at the picture.

Starting with this.

You are not your business. Your business is not you.

Or at least it shouldn't be.

While many small businesses operate as though they are the person. the reality is that no business can flourish when it is held back by the owner. Thinking that you and the business are one and the same is definitely holding back your business.

Nobody can do all things that need doing.  And certainly not do them well enough that they need to be done to as a standard from which your business needs to operate. That's not just the magic thing that you do but also the dreary stuff. The account keeping, the documentation, the quoting, the follow-up, the customer service, the marketing, the styling of the business premises or marketing materials, the design work, the content generation, the online channel development, the sales training, the delivery, the purchasing, the legal compliance, the HR management...Or any of the other things that need to be done for the business to operate effectively, and not just limp along as best it can with you the centre of the universe.

Work Out What Only You Can Do 
Some areas of the business can be done by anyone. Other aspects can only be done by you. When you spend your time doing the things that anyone can do, you are not available to do that most essential thing within the business that it needs - because you are off doing marginally useful things that could readily be done by someone else - and probably someone cheaper to employ and more capable in that role.

Work Out How To Best Do It 
Every role in a business needs to be documented and when all the other jobs are done, then remember to document what it is that only you can do - and commit to doing it.

Build A Team
Watch any of the old rock bands that are still around. What you see is that sharing the load and having access to more skills that complement what one in the band does, makes for a better product. There is indeed more than the sum of the parts and when all come together what they produce is greater than they could manage on their own. That's powerful. Use it.

A Great Manager
What else do good old Rockers have in their favour? They hire a good manager. For many a good manager made the difference between having any success at all, or being just another band that never made it.

The manager's job is to get the best deals, make the arrangements and take care of the backroom stuff that is their expertise and probably not yours. They find the opportunities to get the band seen and they arrange for those who matter to hear about you. They promote you like you never would yourself and you get to just front and do your thing that you do best.

And the manager can deal with those who think you will work for them as a freebie. Not you.

By expanding your view of what your business is, you empower yourself to focus on your strengths and gain additional brainpower and expertise to work out the puzzle to change what you have not been able to do alone, into a solution that will work and free you to focus on what you really should be doing.

Promoting your business.
Your problem that you thought was being bad at self promotion? Is really lack of a defined and marketable product. 

Or perhaps more importantly - putting the system into place that will allow customers who need what you do, to most easily find you, and buy.

Self promotion done well, is really something much richer. It is self advocacy. And if we won't be our own advocate for what we do - nobody else will. Letting the market know what you do and how that can help those needing that kind of assistance.

You'd want to promote that, for sure.



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 Related Posts

How To Set Goals - And Reach Them

The Dirty Secrets Business Needs To Know About Social Media

Why You Need To Build Your Mailing List And How To Do It

How To Get Your Local Business Found Online




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