What Do You Stand For?

Some years ago we had a news scandal about an unsavoury incident involving a football team on a tour to NZ  some years before which raised the topic of what is acceptable behaviour in sport, but more widely in the community. The reports have been revealed what is coyly described as ‘consensual sexual encounter’. Well so far as it was stated originally, the consent extended to the single man named and now paying some price for his now very  public infidelity, and his involvement in what turned out to be something other than a simple one night stand.

Specifically, it turned into something other than this, when eleven team mates and various hangers-on decided to get in on the act.

So far, the former player (the one with the consent  – from the 19 year old woman, if not his wife...) has taken the hit for the team. Well that’s the point is it not? Team bonding and all that means that the team is the thing and you don’t ‘rat’ on your mates. Where that fits insofar as the mates letting a team member take responsibility for their involvement to alone face the consequences, is however understandable it may be, cowardice. Were it the case that this man had in mind that the other members would enter the room then that would seriously compound his error and compromise his integrity even further. If he did not invite them in then it becomes even more shameful that they leave him alone to bear responsibility for their actions.

This specific case aside, it does beg the question ...What has happened to the standards that were once an easy measure for individuals to gauge their behaviour and actions? Where are the role models that will teach boys to be men of integrity? How does it come to pass that in this age of supposed enlightenment that women are still treated in this manner and more to the point, believe at some level that there is any reason to submit to such bullying? Consent? Really? Just supposing it were true the young woman did have poor judgement in this case, still yet that does not alter the fact that each and every man in that room had his own decision to make, and it would seem, each had little respect – or reason to have respect - for themselves, or anyone else in the team. Without question it is safe to assume that none of the men in that room would have been happy for their mother or sister to be treated the way that they treated that woman. So what possibly constituted the difference in their mind between she – and the women they would protect from such treatment in the normal course of events?

Beyond this sorry incident, is the broader question of what value we place on standing up and doing the right thing for the right reason. How different might this story have been had someone brought some positive leadership to the group.

In discussing this with a client this week, he related a story about travelling on an inter-city commuter train, packed with people just doing their best to endure the journey with as little friction as is possible in a train packed with commuters. A young man decided to inflict his loud opinions and blaring music on the rest of the passengers. One man requested that he be considerate and turn the music down. The youth returned the request with a hostile gesture. Minutes later the youth has moved down the aisle to where my client sat. He took this opportunity to upbraid him and let him know in no uncertain terms, that the passengers and he needed to be considerate one of the other and that his cooperation would make it a much better trip for all concerned. He motioned to the man who had asked for the music to be turned down, what he’d like to do with the music now. The man remained silent. Nobody on the train said a single thing to support him. Apparently then, all the passengers were consenting to being bullied.

In Australia we have had the notion of a fair go, and an expectation of reasonable behaviour as we live-and-let-live. Has that been a fantasy of the imagination? Has this really been worth nothing... or have we just turned our back on this concept as being worthy of keeping in our present age?

Does it really, not matter at all, how we behave to one another?

I for one, hope not.

As our society moves away from the two parent home, we see more and more children raised in homes without a male parent. The examples that the parents set, in what the children absorb about how relationships work, how people treat each other would seem to be changed now, compared to the past. Many things that would have been frowned upon, are now found to be commonplace. The old rules are thrown out, but what are the new rules?

We’re learning something now of what the former football team regards as reasonable behaviour. It isn’t pretty.

In America, many are fond of a question WWJD – What would Jesus Do.

My question to you, is What Would You Do?

What are the things for which you are prepared to stand up? Even when they are difficult.

Especially when they are difficult.

A quote to which I subscribe says:

“What I am is the result of all the choices I have made or allowed others to make for me. What I choose is what I am”

Choose well.

What do you think?

Lindy Asimus
Business Coach & Social Media Development
Design Business Engineering
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Your Career & Role Models

Young managers have a job that is sometimes not clear to them. That job is to drive their career and do whatever they need to do in order to progress. In a way that expresses their values and allows them to be congruent with those core values.

This is a personal challenge that we all face and seldom recognise as an obligation to our own future and should not be seen as the duty of others to further our career.

So how does a young manager (or anyone for that matter), learn about what they need to know to manage their career?

There are many issues that will relate to this but the one that I want to focus on right now is that of role models.

For a manager in a larger business, there may be supervisors and managers or directors above them to whom they report. Or there may be older people they manage that are particularly good at some aspect of what they do either at work or in the community.  Seek out people who display excellence in some manner or are in a role that you would like to have some day.

So how might you start? 

If you have several managers or directors of a business then you will have noticed that some have a special knack for some element of the business. It may not be apparent what that is, but the chances are that they have some ability that has put them where you might like to be in the future.  You may not know what that is until you have spent some quality time with them getting to know them and how they operate. What do they do and how did they come to that method of doing what they do?
What works well for them, or conversely, what's not working so well for them? Positive lessons and lessons of what doesn't work are all valuable and sometimes the context is all that makes the difference.

Make a list of directors or other business owners you admire
Arrange to meet them one on one for lunch and get to know them a little and see if they are open to help you get to understand them and how they have achieved their success.
Make notes of all that you learn and don't censor yourself about what's important. Patterns may only develop later as you look back so make a note of everything.
Record the sessions if you can. If not make notes immediately after the session.
.
Some things to look for when analyzing your sessions:

What beliefs does this person hold about life and business?
What values do they display in their dealings?
In what esteem are they held by others?
What led them to hold their beliefs?
 What advice do they have for someone starting out?
What would they do differently if they were starting now?
What would they do the same if they were starting now?

 Your Life Plan

As you collate your notes give thought to what you have learned as you set about planning your goals for your career and your life generally.

This is a valuable resource for you.
Make the most of it.

And let this inform your own values and describe your best path forward in your life.


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Personal Values

Have you visited yours lately?

This is a topic dear to my heart, and a discussion over at nlptalk-reserve led me to thinking about this once more.

Here's my position.

Contemplating our deepest values and identifying them
is something I have found to be useful, but I think is
not a particularly common occupation.

NLP is very useful in allowing us to do so, and if we
use the tools that it provides us in cleaning up our
thinking/speaking habits, then we have a very good way to
work through our beliefs and choose which ones really
merit holding, and which are not. Which ones are what we'd
choose now, not just ones left over from when we were children
and knew no different. Some beliefs from our childhood remain
valid. Some may not. Knowing the difference, right now in
the current context is a wonderful thing to know about ourselves.
Understanding where those beliefs came from, all adds to us knowing
ourselves, and in an honest way, and allows us to bit by bit uncover
the core values that are at the foundation of our personal integrity.

That's a good start at eliminating any incongruency between our
thoughts and our actions. That is very much of value to me.

How do we share our values? I think we share them - whether we know it
or not - by our actions and interactions.

"You are not your behaviour"... but it is very helpful when your
behaviour actually is consistent with who you would be.

Uncovering these values, is a tricky proposition, but to my mind, it
is an area that needs very clear boundaries and I'm not sure that it
is the place for "NLP manipulation" by someone other.

But maybe it is fair game for that. What do you think?



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Lindy Asimus
Design Business Engineering


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