Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Forgiveness is an interesting topic.
A year or two back we had a thread on a Facebook group about this
that cemented my relationship with one of the members who had
been Pro-Forgiveness. A remarkable young man he posted about
his abusive relationship with his father and how he had been he felt,
forced to deal with forgiving his father for his own peace of mind, and
to make good his life and focus on positive things that were within
his control to do. He wrote of how he had looked at himself in the
mirror one day and said "Enough!". And he forgave. For himself, he
forgave those who had caused him pain. Which is not to say that he
condoned what they did... but he forgave them anyway.
This young man passed away just a few months after he posted this
The notion of Forgiving can be very emotive for many of us,
simply because it does not happen in isolation. Our regard for others
with whom forgiveness may be an issue can be complex. It can
harbour identity issues about
who they are
who we are
what it would mean if we forgave them
what it would mean if we stopped feeling bad
what it would mean if we 'let them get away with it'
what it would mean if we forgot our grievance
what it would mean if we did not have that experience
what life would be like now if we started over without that pain
Essentially, forgiveness is the often just the first step.
After forgiveness, what then?
What will we do differently?
How will we view life now?
What actions will we take now?
One of the presuppositions of NLP, is this.
"People are doing the best they can with the resources available"
What this speaks to, is that we have resources that we need to do
whatever it is that we need to do. Sometimes we have trouble
believing that, because we are overwhelmed or just plain don't know how
to access those inner resources.
Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves first, in order to gain the
use of our own resources, that we need to consider forgiving others.
An interesting topic for sure.
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